The 40 tells · Words · No. 16
Why "embark on a journey" makes writing sound machine-made
Flagged "Embark on a journey"
Calling a purchase a "journey" stretches a small thing into an epic. "Embark on your fitness journey", "your customer journey", "the journey starts here".
Readers know they are buying shoes or signing up for a course. Talk about that.
Before
Embark on your wellness journey with our 30-day program.
After
Thirty days, one 20-minute session a day, and a check-in every Sunday.
The fix
Swap it for the concrete thing. What does it do, in words a buyer can check?
Write this instead
- start
- begin
- what they actually do first
What the checker matches
Any of these, in any case:
- embark
- embarks
- embarking
- journey
- journeys